Well, it's official. I've withdrawn my membership from the Unitarian Universalist Church.When I first joined, I was really excited. I'd thought I'd found a spiritually-mindful haven from the usual Eugene Neo-Pagan scene. During the honeymoon phase it seemed like the UU's were interested in Neo-Paganism. I connected with Rev. Caroline Colbert, who had a Yoda-esque Berkeley Grandma Vibe and who could turn a political rally into a religious gathering in less than five seconds. But then she left, and I realized that people's interest was at a "spiritual tourist" level.
UUCE wasn't so bad, really; it's just that the rational folks I'd be interested in covenanting with are the ones who don't speak about [insert deity name here] in public and the the ones who are interested in Neo-Paganism are either superstitious anti-intellectuals or else they're Really Into The Goddess (No Men Allowed). And then there's the Protestant "Sermon-Sandwich."
Mark would chime in, "You're the common factor in all your failed relationships." So maybe I was off-putting in some way that turned folks away from ritual events. People here like pot-lucks a lot and I think I'd rather visit a dentist than be forced to attend one (do you know how many times I've accidentally eaten a Deadly Red Pepper at one of these pot-lucks?). And I'd be the first to admit that I had the unrealistic expectation that UUCE would provide rabbinical opportunities to discuss Neo-Pagan theology with Margot Adler clones -- so maybe that got transmitted somehow as impatience or exasperation.
What this has taught me is that
- The dominant spiritual vibe of a city cannot be escaped by changing churches.
- I must have a idiosyncratic take on Neo-Paganism that makes participating in group ritual difficult.
- Bitchiness can be a useful tool to codify one's theology, but it makes for dreary reading. And...
- I value time spent with my family or writing than I do time spent with most Neo-Pagans (or UUs).
Actually, I will go back to being a solitary Neo-Pagan practitioner, which is what I'd been prior to 2006 (and have been, really, for the last year).
2 comments:
Hey John,
Just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your musings about religious issues. I haven't particularly needed to grapple with the awkward intersection of classical neopaganism and gay mens' issues, but I've nonetheless found myself turning away from it -- or, rather, having a solitary practice -- for broadly similar reasons. (No time to unpack that, alas, but let's say that conventional pagan codifications of sexuality aren't necessarily any healthier for us straights.)
My experience with the UUs also sounds familiar: good people; nice social activists and all that; vaguely annoying protestant structures; too many potluck invitations; and a near-pathological avoidance of truly effective Ritual, which is most of the appeal of having a group in the first place. (I do recommend stopping by the downtown Portland UU service when you get a chance, however -- their fantastically good choir can often make up for any other shortcomings.)
So, yeah, I'm solitary too, with a paganism of my own individual flavor. Most of the time that's just fine, but sometimes... sometimes there's a palpable hole in my spirituality which I know that only good group ritual can fill. Although worshipping Ursula K. LeGuin would be a good start.
*waves*
Gretchen started doing pagan rituals in Corvallis for awhile. I went to a few. For all I know she's still doing them. They felt too much like playing-at-worship, which has a whole lot of personal assumptions and judgments involved. And I think the problem was me and my take on paganism. Which is quite solitary and internal. I like the IDEA of group worship. I haven't found the PRACTICE of it to be very fulfilling.
ellen, on one of her *incredibly* random fly-bys of your journal...
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