I made a discovery. Well, actually, Mark has been pointing it out for some time now, but I didn't believe him (probably because he was using more generic words like "frumpy") until we had photographic proof. Relaxed fit jeans make my butt disappear.
If I needed camouflage for my rear, I'd be fine. But I'm six feet something and I weigh 170 pounds. On me relaxed fit jeans are horribly frumpy. I never realized it because I've always seen my rear from the side. Mark used our video camera to show how, as the viewing angle changes, my backside becomes a formless extension of my legs. It's like relaxed fit jeans are like like some stereoscopic picture of my butt in reverse -- in other words, monoscopic; 2D; flat; frumpy.
The only reason I bought the jeans in the first place is that I don't like to feel restricted by my clothes.
So for Father's Day, Mark bought me some new clothes to wear to Writers of the Future. The only real mistake he made was the white shorts. I put them on with my purple Neman Markus shirt and as a result I looked like a cheerleader for a Gay Pride Parade. "You're not that gay," he said as they were put onto the "return" pile.