Thursday, March 19, 2015

Tuesday Morning Dream


The recall on this is fuzzy because I didn't write it down right away.

This might have been a stuck in a labyrinth dream, or a meeting the relatives in a mansion dream.  I'm not sure.  There was a gathering -- it might have been a family gathering, but I don't recall any family members.  I was in a large house.  Or maybe a large boat house.  I remember that there was a large lake, and wooden floors or decking.  

The dream started out in the day, but the part I remember the most was at night.  The sky was clear and star-filled.  

A 30-ish woman and man were there, and they wanted something from me, like a deed or some money.  The woman filled a medium-sized glass votive container with a beeswax candle and some glittery powder.  I remember her using the candle as a kind of pestle and adding even more glittery powder to the mix than her partner had.  

When she lit the candle, it started to melt, and the glittery powder became a melted resinous mix of beeswax and something like myrrh.  It smoked, and the smoke made us all drunk.  All over the edge of the lake, candles in bowls and glass jars lit up and were reflected in the water.

I think there was some dancing involved.  There might have been crystal visions, but I've lost these.  

Finally, a prim woman with a striaght, blonde, pageboy haircut came up and confiscated the candle, saying it wasn't against the law, but that the woman had used too much of the glitter powder.

The sun came up, and I realized we had partied through the night.  I was standing on a wooden deck overlooking the water.

And then I woke up.  I had thrown my arm over my head, and it had fallen asleep. I carefully used my other hand to gently bring my arm to my waist, and then the pins-and-needles came as feeling returned.

Writing:  I'm working on an essay that is turning into a memoir.  I'm thinking that this is more self-therapy than writing, and I need to re-focus on the various manuscripts (and deadlines) looming.  My feelings toward the piece are complicated; on one hand, I want to tell my story, on the other hand, it's possible that it could be incorporated into therapy-as-performance.  On the other hand, when Mark and I provided material for WYMPROV to perform our "when we first met" story, it was funny.  When I work on this, I get a little angry how various community aspects of being gay and being a dad have manifested as acts of exclusion... and ultimately, the performance would be for the men's community... and it seems that they want stories as entertainment and celebration, not stories of alienation.  With a big group hug at the end... and  then things will continue unchanged.

Working Out:  Went to the gym Tuesday afternoon.  Did 130 calories in about 12 minutes on the rowing machines.  Did the usual lat-pulldowns and freeweights.  Didn't do the dumbbell, but I did do some extra inclined pec flies.  I suppose I should look at a book or something so I can give the real names of the excersises.  

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