Thursday, December 30, 2004

Oregon Wildlife Adventures

You know you live in Oregon when you reach into the mailbox to get your mail, and you're sorting through the envelopes, and you feel an itty-bitty, teenie-tiny SLUG in your mail.

Now if we could just train them to eat the credit card applications.


Scene: Mark and John's house. The lights are low and John is photographing a candle in the living room.

John (looking around in a wildly artistic moment): "I need a moth."

Mark (from the kitchen): "Here you go, honey." (Points to moth on ceiling.)

John (goes to kitchen): "Oh! It's perfect! My sweetie got me a moth."

Mark: "I love you." (They kiss).

John (grabbing a glass): (To moth) "Now, I don't want to hurt you." (Places glass over moth). "...Good moth... good moth..." (Takes moth and glass over to the candle) "Hmmm..."

Several scenes in the darkened living room follow involving John trying to coax a moth onto a white, burning candle and the moth flying off in random directions while John chases it (to cries of "Oh, ooh. Come back!"), catches it in his bare hands, and returns it to the candle scene. Finally, the moth pulls a Han Solo, dive bombs John's face, and in the ensuing confusion makes its escape.

John (going to the kitchen): "Do I have a moth on my head?"

Mark (thinking the moth has become a fashion victim): "Photographing moths is not about you."

John: "It flew at my face... (walks back to bedroom) Rats, it got away.

Mark: "Pickles was so much easier to photograph."

John (Flicks on bedroom light, inspects door and doorframe for fugative moths.): "Yeah. He'd do anything for food." (Looks behind door) "Hey! There's the spider!" (Pulls LED out of pocket and shines it on the spider, sending high-relief shadows onto the wall and ceiling) "Cool. It's gotten really big!" (Notices how the bedroom lights are throwing a contrasting spider shadow onto the wall below it)

Mark (grabbing the clear plastic bug catcher from the kitchen: "Um, that might be poisionous."

John (shining the LED more intensly on the spider and looking for red hour glass shapes and trying to remember if brown recluses have fiddle shapes on their bodies): "Hmmm. I hadn't thought of that."

Mark: "Cool. It's built a tunnel." (Brings bug catcher up to the web. Scoops up lots of web, but the spider retreats into the quarter sized hole in the wall and glares out at us from the safety of the sheetrock.)

John: "Oh well."

Mark: "You can always make a fake moth..."
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